talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
