i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize