I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
