So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
