wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
