i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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