Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize