i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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