a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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