Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
