I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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