Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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