i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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