Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
