Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs