Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.