How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions