Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.