You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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