do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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