I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
