I can tuck mytits in my pants
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
