and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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