cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
