if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
