all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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