please come you make the beer taste better
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
