Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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