I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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