Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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