just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The best revenge is premature balding
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
