why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
