so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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