The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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