Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
