Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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