Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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