So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
