Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
look no pants
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
