1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
