i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
