R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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