I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
