I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
