so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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