fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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