to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drake has all the answers
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
