There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
