dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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