You really coming over, don't trick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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