saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
