What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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