real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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