did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
