Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
