Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
