just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
