she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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