Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
