so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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