I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need a shit load of segways right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
