You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
