He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
