I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
