You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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