I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
