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Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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