o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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