I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
