Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
