I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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