I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
