I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
