If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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