i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
