Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i believe in u and ur pee
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
