i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
