we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
