i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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