I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.