i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.