happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people